epic proportions

Last night I made an epic bagelburger at 3 am and my roomie demanded that I blog about it. He is not vegan, nor does he even read my blog...so it seems as if this is more of a 'people must know about your awesomeness' type thing, to which I am rarely opposed. I only allowed him one bite, but he immediately said that I must take a picture of it and write about it...to let the world know. However, I was not in a state to be taking pictures of my food. I was in a state to be devouring my food. That just meant that I got to recreate it today.

huh.

My first thought upon recreation was that it was not nearly as lovely as I remembered it from the night before. In fact, it's downright ugly and not that easy to eat (the insides kept squishing out the sides of the bagel). Whatever though, because it's definitely as delicious as I remembered. Ok.

Explanation #1: I've been on a mega bagel kick lately.

Explanation #2: I've been on a mega hummus kick lately.

Explanation #3: I much prefer putting hummus on my bagels than fake cream cheese or jam.

Explanation #4: I've been a bit lazy in my cooking and when I run out of leftovers...I eat bagels with hummus quite a bit.

Explanation #5: As my most devoted readers must know, I am a mustard fanatic. This is a case where the mustard absolutely makes the sammich.

I recently acquired a new type of mustard: dill mustard. It is, in a word, fabulous. It's all the awesomeness of having pickles on your sammich without that gross, rubbery, sometimes just nasty pickle actually being on your sammich. It reminds me of...ok, to be quite honest, what I remember McDonald's cheeseburgers tasting like. Granted, I haven't had a McDonald's cheeseburger in around 12 years (seriously, gross), but those darned things were a pivotal part of my youth. It was, once upon a time in young Jessica's life, quite a treat to go to McD's to get a cheeseburger and, if the season was right, a shamrock shake. Admittedly, I would not touch one of those things with a ten foot pole now, nor would I ever encourage anyone to actually eat one. But forgive me for having a taste memory that reminds me of my childhood and getting a little treat and hanging out with my fam. It happens.

So. That being said, you're gonna have to get some dill mustard, especially if you would like to create my epic bagelburger. It's pretty simple. The ingredients list is almost laughable:

1 Boca burger (original vegan...for that smoky, fast-food type taste)

3-4 giant spoonfuls of hummus (just regular old hummus, nothing fancy)

some lettuce (i've been buying this artisan lettuce stuff, another post on that situation at a possible later date)

1 bagel, toasted (i used whole wheat [it makes me feel less guilty]...and another rant on the complete and utter uselessness of an untoasted bagel at yet another possible later date)

1 squirt of DILL MUSTARD (no alternatives, i'm sorry, it's just not a possibility)

uh, yeah. Assemble. I put hummus on both the top and bottom of my bagel, because I'm decadent like that.

Lets have an admission of guilt here: it's drunk food. It's 'I've been drinking since I got off work and I want fast food in the middle of the night but should definitely not drive and I don't want Taco Bell and none of the fast food places have a vegan burger' food. It's fast. It's messy. It's ugly.

It's perfection.

diary of a mustard addict

How many types of mustard do you think the average vegan needs?  What a question.  I mean, what do you think, really?  One or two?  A plain and a spicy?  No.  No no no.  I am of the opinion that the right mustard can completely transform a sammich.  It adds a dimension that otherwise goes untasted.  But what kind of sammich needs what kind of mustard?  Well, it depends on your mood, really.  And when your mood changes as often as your tshirt, you need a variety of mustards in your life.  You need the comfort mustard.  The one you always go back to because you know it's always going to be good.  You  need the adventurous mustard.  A new and bolder flavor.  And what about all the mustards in between?  Well, for this situation, you may need...

Seven mustards.  That's right.  Seven.  7.  S-E-V-E-N.  Are you jealous of my mustard collection?  I may be a compulsive mustard buyer.  In fact, last night at the grocery store I acquired a new one, fully aware that I had six kinds in my fridge already.  But I mean...  you can never have too many kinds of mustard, as long as there is room on the second shelf.  (We have a pretty much an entire shelf dedicated to condiments in the fridge.)  Any time I'm at the store, I swing by the aisle with the mustard and check to see if there are any new varieties.  My only pet peeve is that a lot of the really awesome flavors (chipotle?  what?) have honey in them.  Lame.  Anyway, how's about a breakdown of these wonderful mustards?  

Spicy Brown.  A standby.  Good on any type of sammich, pretty much.  Adds a little spice and a lot of mustard flavor.  The good mustard flavor.  The brown kind.

This one, I don't like.  The garlic adds a weird flavor to it, surprisingly.  I do use it in sauces, from time to time.

The newest member of our collection!  It's sweet.  And boy, is it hot!  Like, real hot.  And I like it.  This went on dinner last night, which you'll see in a minute.

Stone ground.  Every mustard connoisseur needs a good stone ground mustard.  It's like the staple snobby mustard.  Sometimes good on sammies, but more often, I use it in sauces.  I like the little bits of mustard stuff that kind of pop in your mouth.

The reg.  Good old plain yellow.  Delicious mostly on carrots.  And tomato sammiches.

From the look of this one, you'd think we love it.  In reality, it's so-so.  We've had it awhile.  The horseradish really shines here.  It's the kind of mustard you want if you're into cleaning out your sinuses.
Last but not least, dijon.  Salty.  Reminds me of deli sammiches.  You can't put too much on a sammich unless you really want a salt overload, but it's good mixed with other mustards.  Like the spicy brown.

See?  A mustard for every purpose.  Never have too much  mustard.

And now that I've proved my point, I'll show you some food.

blt w/baked beans and sweet pickles

This is the sammie that my new friend, sweet hot mustard, went onto.  It complemented the saltiness of the bacon very nicely.  That's LightLife bacon on Ezekial bread.  Add some tomato, sprouts, lettuce, and avocado and you've got one helluva sammie.  The beans are canned, but doctored up with some ketchup, mustard (yellow!), and bbq sauce.  Pickles were good on their own, of course.  

Mac n Cheese.  This sauce has yellow mustard in it as well.  See how it's a nice stand-by?  I think, as well, that I finally perfected my very own cheese sauce that doesn't have tofu in it and is creamy and delicious.  I want to make it again and measure though, but there will be a recipe in the future.  I also put some leftover chickn strips and spinach in with this whole wheat penne.  

Sunday night nachos.  No mustard involved.  And really, no explanation needed, right?

That's all I have up my sleeve for today.  I've been nominated for an award by a couple different people, and I know I need to get on that, but I'm tired tonight.  Tomorrow?  Thanks for the extension, kids.

p.s. i also have powdered mustard in my spice cabinet.  you know.  just in case.