epic proportions

Last night I made an epic bagelburger at 3 am and my roomie demanded that I blog about it. He is not vegan, nor does he even read my blog...so it seems as if this is more of a 'people must know about your awesomeness' type thing, to which I am rarely opposed. I only allowed him one bite, but he immediately said that I must take a picture of it and write about it...to let the world know. However, I was not in a state to be taking pictures of my food. I was in a state to be devouring my food. That just meant that I got to recreate it today.

huh.

My first thought upon recreation was that it was not nearly as lovely as I remembered it from the night before. In fact, it's downright ugly and not that easy to eat (the insides kept squishing out the sides of the bagel). Whatever though, because it's definitely as delicious as I remembered. Ok.

Explanation #1: I've been on a mega bagel kick lately.

Explanation #2: I've been on a mega hummus kick lately.

Explanation #3: I much prefer putting hummus on my bagels than fake cream cheese or jam.

Explanation #4: I've been a bit lazy in my cooking and when I run out of leftovers...I eat bagels with hummus quite a bit.

Explanation #5: As my most devoted readers must know, I am a mustard fanatic. This is a case where the mustard absolutely makes the sammich.

I recently acquired a new type of mustard: dill mustard. It is, in a word, fabulous. It's all the awesomeness of having pickles on your sammich without that gross, rubbery, sometimes just nasty pickle actually being on your sammich. It reminds me of...ok, to be quite honest, what I remember McDonald's cheeseburgers tasting like. Granted, I haven't had a McDonald's cheeseburger in around 12 years (seriously, gross), but those darned things were a pivotal part of my youth. It was, once upon a time in young Jessica's life, quite a treat to go to McD's to get a cheeseburger and, if the season was right, a shamrock shake. Admittedly, I would not touch one of those things with a ten foot pole now, nor would I ever encourage anyone to actually eat one. But forgive me for having a taste memory that reminds me of my childhood and getting a little treat and hanging out with my fam. It happens.

So. That being said, you're gonna have to get some dill mustard, especially if you would like to create my epic bagelburger. It's pretty simple. The ingredients list is almost laughable:

1 Boca burger (original vegan...for that smoky, fast-food type taste)

3-4 giant spoonfuls of hummus (just regular old hummus, nothing fancy)

some lettuce (i've been buying this artisan lettuce stuff, another post on that situation at a possible later date)

1 bagel, toasted (i used whole wheat [it makes me feel less guilty]...and another rant on the complete and utter uselessness of an untoasted bagel at yet another possible later date)

1 squirt of DILL MUSTARD (no alternatives, i'm sorry, it's just not a possibility)

uh, yeah. Assemble. I put hummus on both the top and bottom of my bagel, because I'm decadent like that.

Lets have an admission of guilt here: it's drunk food. It's 'I've been drinking since I got off work and I want fast food in the middle of the night but should definitely not drive and I don't want Taco Bell and none of the fast food places have a vegan burger' food. It's fast. It's messy. It's ugly.

It's perfection.